It's Valendoom's Day, and it's so pretty outside. It's been raining for the past 2 days. I wish it were raining; it would better fit my mood. I hate today with a fiery passion...I want ot hurt it with a large hammer. Ugg...I went to the clinic today and I found out that I DON'T have TB. YAY I can continue working with the kids, and I shall be happy. I love those kids; they make me laugh all the time. I get to give them Valendoom cards 2morrow, and I'm excited. It gonna be a big party with lots of food.
I don't want to get too happy; that may give way to a smile or somthing today, and I don't like smiling today, FYI. I shall smile 2morrow cuz it will not be Valendoom's Day, and I will resume my normally overly-ecstatic mood. And it shall be a great thing goin' on...That is all.

Fourteen years
thirty minutes
fifteen seconds I've
held this grudge

Eleven songs
four full journals
thoughts of punishment
I've expended

Not in contact
not a letter
such communication
telepathic
you've been vilified
used as fodder
you deserve a piece
of every record

But who's it hurting now?
Who's the one that's stuck?
Who's it torturing now
with an antique knot in her stomach?

I want to be big and let go
of this grudge that's grown old
all this time I've not known
how to rest this bygone
I wanna be soft and resolved
clean of slate and released
I wanna forgive for the both of us

Like an abandoned house
dusty covered
furniture
still intact
If I visit it now
will I simply re-live it
somehow gratuitous

But who's still aching now?
Who's tired of her own voice?
Who is it weighing down
With no gift from time of said healing

I want to be big and let go
of this grudge that's grown old
all this time I've not known
how to rest this bygone
I wanna be soft and resolved
clean of slate and released
I wanna forgive for the both of us

Maybe as I cut the cord
veils will lift from my eyes
Maybe as I lay this to rest
dead weight off my shoulders will rise

Here I sit
much determined
ever ill-equipped
to draw this curtain
how this has entertained
validated
and has served me well
ever the victim

But who's done whining now?
Who's ready to put down
this load I've carried longer than I had cared to remember

I want to be big and let go
of this grudge that's grown old
For the life of me I've not known
how to rest this bygone
I wanna be soft and resolved
clean of slate and released
I wanna forgive for the both of us